WHEN EVERYBODY WANTS
TO BE YOUR FRIEND
A Widow Bit – Jan. 30, 2011
By Mary Koch

            I’m resolved, perhaps the word is resigned, to make one more attempt at understanding Facebook. It’s not that I’m a troglodyte in this age of electronic communications. I do 95 percent of my work as an editor over the Internet, I’ve had a Web page for years and receive upwards of 100 e-mails daily. I bought an iPhone when they were still the newest thing and am increasingly ap-dependent. But Facebook? I don’t get it.

            My first invitation to be a “friend” on Facebook came years ago from a high school classmate (Class of ’62. Our motto: WANT – We Are Not Troglodytes). I followed the instructions but could not comprehend what appeared on my computer screen and saw no reason to communicate in this cumbersome way when I already had e-mail.

            As years passed, I received more requests from folks, sometimes perfect strangers, to be my “friend.” Well, OK. Let all the world be my friend! I tried Facebook again, unfortunately setting up a second account, which only compounded my confusion. Now I have two Facebook pages, neither of which I visit. As a result, I no doubt insult my would-be Facebook friends. I apologize if that includes you.

            When I bring up the topic of Facebook among my contemporaries, I get polar reactions. We’re either strongly negative (“A waste of time on trivia!”) or totally absorbed. The latter tend to be grandparents who are elatedly staying in touch with distant grandchildren.

            Seeing the movie, “The Social Network,” (about Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg) only deepened my ambivalence. We are changing exponentially the way we relate with each other. Is it good? Is it bad? I don’t know, but it certainly is different.

            I write and e-mail these “Widow Bit” essays to tell my story in hopes that it connects with yours. Theoretically, that’s what Facebook is about. What I do is “Facebook” in a different format, so who am I to criticize? I’m not critical; I’m just confused.

            My primary issue with Facebook is that I simply don’t want to take the time. Perhaps it’s my line in the sand. I also don’t tweet or text. And yet, I found time in recent days for a three-hour brunch and rambling conversation with three women friends; a two-and-a-half hour dinner watching the sunset and then night settle over Puget Sound as a friend, who’d just retired, reflected on his long career, and a two-hour lunch with a friend who shared personal stories of both heartbreak and joy.

            Facebook advocates would say, “Well gosh, Mary. In those seven-and-a-half hours you could have connected with hundreds of friends, not just a handful.”

            And how meaningful would those connections be? I’m afraid that “social networking,” which was around even before Facebook, has the taint of opportunism – using acquaintances for one’s own advancement.

            “Friendship,” observed Kahlil Gibran, “is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity.” Whether on Facebook or over lunch, if you want to be my friend, what’s your intent? And what’s mine?