LISTEN UP?
A Widow Bit – April 3, 2011
By Mary Koch

            There is nothing quite so empty as a house when the last guest has departed after a party. There is nothing quite so full as a refrigerator crammed with party leftovers.

            I had houseguests last week, celebrating a friend’s 75th birthday over several days with parties and an endless array of glorious food. At week’s end, after waving goodbye to my guests, I turned on my computer to catch up with the outside world. That’s when I discovered that while I’d been consuming more calories in a day than any human needs for survival in a week, advocates for social justice had been participating in a fast to protest cuts to the government safety net, health and welfare programs.     

            My husband landed securely in that safety net after we’d gone through our own savings for his in-home care. COPES, a Medicaid program, allowed that care to continue. It most certainly extended his life and quality of life. I’m saddened that since then, that kind of assistance has all but disappeared.

            My first instinct was to join the fast. Then I remembered my refrigerator. All that food would land in the garbage can. Pointless waste. I decided I’d eat but not buy more food. My shopping list was short anyway, just eggs and coffee. Still, I make a point of shopping at locally-owned stores, my eggs are laid by local hens, and my organic, fair trade coffee beans are locally roasted. My self-imposed sanctions would cause economic harm to people who are trying to do the right thing.

            So how could I express my frustration and concern? I felt the powerlessness expressed by so many citizens on all sides of the political spectrum who rally, demonstrate and even fast to make themselves heard. We all want to be heard; we complain our lawmakers aren’t listening, yet how intently are we citizens willing to listen to each other? Not argue. Not debate. Simply listen and try to understand each other. Maybe we could set a good example for political leaders.

            Yeah, I know. Listening is tough when it involves putting up with the lame-brained ideas of  – pick from the following – (a) red-necked conservative neighbors, or (b) airhead liberal in-laws who rely totally on misinformation from (a) hysterical Fox News commentators, or (b) demonic New York Times columnists and never met an (a) Democrat, or (b) Republican they didn’t detest and don’t understand that we need (a) less government interference, or (b) tighter regulation and enforcement to be (a and b) secure, healthy and happy.

            Communications guru Marshall Rosenberg points out that we all have the same basic needs; where we differ is in choosing our strategies to meet those needs. We all have the need to be heard. What if our strategy for meeting that need were listening? Maybe if I listen better to other folks, they’ll eventually be willing to listen to me. Or maybe it just seems plausible because my house is so empty and quiet today.