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John & Mary OLD AGE IS
ALL By Mary Koch Not that I’m his child bride. I myself am at a difficult age: too old to be considered a baby boomer but still too young for Medicare. I am, however, into the Medicare countdown. Whenever the doctor recommends one of those exotic tests they like to perform on geezers over the age of 60, I say, “Sorry. My meagerly insurance won’t cover it. Wait four years for Medicare and you can test all you want.” I can hardly wait to be a drain on the national economy. At the same time, I find myself meditating on various observations about aging and mortality. They inspire me to lift my shoulders, straighten my back, gulp down my multi-vitamin and go to battle. “Old age is not for the faint-hearted,” someone famously said. “Do not go gentle into that good night,” advises Dylan Thomas. More to the point is Woody Allen’s: “I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” NOBODY WANTS to grow old; nobody wants to die, and that’s especially true for family caregivers. Caregiving, in my case caring for a totally paralyzed husband, demands the strength and vitality of youth and good health. Women my age are advised to do weight-bearing exercises for bone strengthening. “Hmm,” I say to myself. “Do 150 pounds of husband meet the criteria?” Like Woody Allen, I’m not afraid of dying but it’s my husband I don’t want to have there when it happens. I think for most caregivers, especially parents of disabled children, our deepest fear about our own death is for the loved ones we’d leave behind. I have to take it on faith that John would be well cared for. Faith, it’s obvious to me, informs our attitudes about old age and death. A recent Harris poll indicates most Americans (70 percent) believe the soul survives after death, but there are some striking variances. The percentage of believers goes up among women and Republicans. On the other hand, the more education you have the less likely you believe in eternal life. Only 49 percent of people with post-graduate degrees believe in the concept of heaven. Well, even though they’re in the minority, I doubt the others would vote them out should they get to the place they don’t believe in. YEARS AGO, when my husband could out-run, out-bicycle and out-ski me, I observed to my mother-in-law that I was never aware of the 13-year difference in our ages. “You will be,” she predicted, characteristically blunt. She was right, in a way, because I am now much older than John, at least from his point of view. When he was talking with his therapist last week about his upcoming birthday, John said he “started over at 62.” He was just weeks shy of 62 when he had the stroke. That’s his innovative approach to stroke survival. He stopped worrying about the life he lost and started working on a new life. By his count, he’s now 12 years old – but has the wisdom gained from 74 years of experience. That must be why the New Year prompts such huge celebrations. It gives us a chance to start over with a clean slate. We can leave the mistakes of the old year behind, but if we’re smart, we’ll carry forward the lessons learned. John and I wish for our readers a new year of fresh opportunities and the grace of wisdom gained from years past.
© Mary Koch, Omak, Washington 2005 |
